Two years on

What can I say - I said I wouldn't leave it a year and I didn't; I left it two years! I do so have good intentions but time just flies by. We sold our house and then had to move to rented accomodation, then 4months later we finally got into our new home. We have now been there for a year and I have no excuses. I did have an accident at Christmas which threw me a little but I am now recovered from that. My eldest son is getting married in September and I so want to look nice for him and for the photos. I have 5 months to lose weight without too much pressure. If I lose 7lbs a month then that is 2.5 stone. I would want more but I think I could be happy with that. I am gonig to try my hardest and get motivated with food and exercise. I will report back very soon.

Where did the last year go!!

My last post was in May 2008. In June 2008 we decided to put our house up for sale and then the recession hit!! I seem to have spent the best part of a year showing people around my house or looking at other peoples houses.....

It was not a completely wasted year though. In Oct 2008 I joined slimming world and by Christmas I had lost 27lbs (nearly 2 stone). I tried really hard over xmas but still managed to put on 4lbs followed by another 3 over new year. I lost this weight by Feb 14th and then put it on again during a romantic weekend away for Valentines weekend. I then lost it again by Easter and guess what I then celebrated my youngest sons 4th birthday and went away with friends for Easter and back came those 7lbs!!

In May we went away to Butlins and had a fully inclusive breakfast and dinner in the "Yacht Club" - yes you've guessed it, it was no longer 7lbs but nearer to 10lbs now. I have tired and tried since May to lose this weight again but what with problems selling our house and losing the house we wanted to buy my moral and motivation just vanished.

I have this week got myself sorted out and even though we have not sold our house I am going to concentrate on me and try and get to the 28lbs loss which is my 2 stone award and my "Club 10".

I want to thank both my husband and my slimming world collegue (she knows who she is) who both avidly support me. I am going to try very hard and stick to what I know works. I will try and report again next week and not leave it a year this time!!!

Saturday 17th May - Where did those 6 months go?

Oh god - where did all that time go, 6 months passed by and I was just oh so tired. I haven't lost any weight (I haven't gained any either) and my morale is so low now I feel like I will never do it. I have 3 important goals 1) A holiday in Crete for which I want to be fit enough to enjoy 2) A weigh in with the dietician for which I want to have lost some weight 3) A husband and three children who I want to respect and be proud of me.

Along with the tiredness is a depression, a deep dark depression that I am struggling to fight my way out of. I know life is good, we have our worries along with others, money etc but I have three great children, a loving husband, a great home and job and at present my health but I do not take that for granted. I am still trying to make life great for everyone else and make sure I do everything for everyone else; I am really going to have to start to be more selfish and think of me as No1 just for a short while. I still know that once I get started I will be OK and the weight will start to go down. It is this initial start that I just cannot get over.

I am not setting too big a goal but I am working for now between today and my holiday on 15th June. Once I get there I will set a new target and hopefully slowly I will get there. I am 50 in 2010 and I WILL NOT BE FAT AND 50!!! When I am 50 my youngest will be 5 and probably at his most active and aware of how I loo and feel and I owe it to him and my loyal wonderful husbad who has supported me always (BUT Jason - NO MORE CHOCOLATE please xxx).

Saturday 10th November - Another Month Goes By

I don't know what to do with myself. Does anyone out there have any ideas? I am still eating too many take aways, I am still eating the wrong foods at lunch time, I am still so tired and lethargic. But I am exercising more than I have done for years. My personal trainer is working me so hard. It feels good when I work out. I only seem to eat the wrong things when I am bored or tired. As I spend all my days at work bored stiff and I am so tired in the evenings it is hardly any wonder that I keep eating!

I have 3 more weeks of hell at work and hopefully then I can see a way forward. Until then I will have to do my best. I have a plan and I hope I can stick to it. I am going to have a different breakfast every day, a different lunch every day and plan an evening meal. I may try and do another week of slim fast and I also am giving myself a weekend off on December 8th. Weigh in is on 5th so I have four weeks!!!!!!

Breakfast will be - Mon Toast with Mushrooms, Tues Boiled Egg and Toast, Wed Tomatoes on Toast, Thursday Marmalade on Toast, Friday Cereal and Yogurt, Sat Egg on Toast, Sunday Bacon Sandwich (with turkey rasher if being really good)

Lunches will be - Mon Salad and pitta bread, Tues Pasta and Tuna, Wed baked beans on toast (or soup), Thurs Ham sandwich and crudites, Fri Salad or Pasta, Sat whichever one not had Friday, Sunday beans on toast.

Dinner this week will be - Sat Chicken curry with W/W naan. Sunday Chicken and Mediterranean vegetables, Monday W/W Lasagne, Tuesday Steak and jacket Potato, Wednesday Pasta and sauce, Thursday Lamb, Mash and 2 veg, Friday Plaice and oven chips and peas and then it is time to plan for next weeks menus and shopping.......

I will try and report in at latest next Saturday but I will try for a daily exert and I will PROMISE to try and bring back my commitment, achievement and wit!!!!

Thanks for sticking with me through this.

Wednesday 10th October - Complete Failure and Restart

I cannot believe I can have been so stupid and completely useless. I have undone all the good work I did. I just seem to be completely obsessed with food and eating.

I went on holiday and just enjoyed myself. I did not think about diets at all. This was my plan and this went OK. However when I returned I did not go food shopping and I ate take aways and sandwiches all week. It was the worst ever return from holiday. At Weightwatchers I put on 4lbs. Now you would presume this would kick start me into getting started again as I am only three weeks away from hospital appointment but NO it didn't. Infact I ate more (at least I feel like I am).

Another week of over eating and binging continued and it was so bad I did not even go to Weightwatchers. I had worked hard and been ill but it was no excuse. I was just frightened of what I would hear.

So here I am today, dejected, down, fat and uncomfortable. I have a personal trainer who I see twice a week and a dietitian who I see once a month. I have to sort myself out. I have so much help.

A message to my husband (who is also dieting), please will you help me, I need your help, please can we work together at this and let me sort myself out. I will be so much happier once I am in control instead of food being in control??

My promise to everyone out there in the big bad world including my family who are supporting me all the way is that -: From today I will do everything I can do to stay on the straight and narrow. Hospital is 2 weeks today. I will therefore do slimfast for rest of this week. Have weekend off slim fast but NOT off diet. I will then do slimfast for 11 days up to my weigh in. This is my punishment. Hopefully I will appreciate food again afterwards. I am only letting myself off this weekend as we are going away to a hotel.

I will try and report in very soon. If I dont it probably means I have failed and need a comment as support to get me going again.

Monday 17th September - D Day At Last!

Well today arrived and I made it here safely. Quite what I thought would happen I don't know but it was a hard journey that I was glad to get to the end of.

I went to the hospital really hoping I had made my goal. I waited on the scales with bated breath ( they weigh me in kgs and I had to wait for the conversion). I was disappointed. I was only 1lb short of my goal but I had not made it. I spoke to the dietitian and she was very pleased with me. As I sat there I realised that I still felt positive and I must not let one single little pound put me off this path that I am following so well.

I left the hospital and walked passed the coffee shop with all the cakes and pastries, I walked passed the sweet shop too. I was really proud of myself. Not much of an achievement to a normal person but to me it was amazing. Normally I would have rewarded my weight loss with a cake or sweet.

It was lovely to return to work and to have a normal (diet) lunch. I did not go mad but I had a sandwich, some salad and a yogurt and I really enjoyed every mouthful.

I was not successful in the evening. Having lost 5lbs last week at Weightwatchers I was hopeful of another 5lbs this week. I was therefore disappointed when it was only 2lbs. This still means I have lost 7lbs in two weeks but I must admit I was hoping for more. I therefore went home and moped. I ate toast, crisps and biscuits. None in huge quantities but enough to be cross with myself.

My aim now is to lose another 4lbs as soon as possible so I go into that magic next stone down. I am also determined not to ruin everything this week. I just want to eat as sensibly as possible. I will update you all very soon.

Sunday 16th September - Oops, Another Blip!

Today started off really well. I was revitalized from yesterday when I had a very successful day with my eating. I had also been out walking with a friend for about an hour. It was great we hadn't seen each other for ages and we talked the whole time, it made the time pass so quickly.

My toddler had a lie in and I did not need to get up until 07.15 which was very refreshing as he normally wakes about 05.15. I did all my housework and washing and then went to visit a friend and her new baby. Still all is well as I have only had a shake and a cup of tea. I then took my toddler swimming which in itself is good as it is also exercise for me. However when we got out the water is was 1pm, we were tired and still had places to go before we went home. Wetherspoons here we come.......It was only a wrap, a diet coke and few chips but I still felt guilty. However I must add that i did enjoy every single mouthful and I mowed two lawns in the afternoon to try to work it off!!!!

Tomorrow is my double weigh in, the first at the hospital in the morning and the second is at Weightwatchers in the evening. I await both with bated breath. I have my fingers crossed that I make my targets but if I don't I do know that in all honesty I really could not have tried any harder this week. I will report back tomorrow night or Tuesday morning to let you know how I got on.