Saturday 17th May - Where did those 6 months go?

Oh god - where did all that time go, 6 months passed by and I was just oh so tired. I haven't lost any weight (I haven't gained any either) and my morale is so low now I feel like I will never do it. I have 3 important goals 1) A holiday in Crete for which I want to be fit enough to enjoy 2) A weigh in with the dietician for which I want to have lost some weight 3) A husband and three children who I want to respect and be proud of me.

Along with the tiredness is a depression, a deep dark depression that I am struggling to fight my way out of. I know life is good, we have our worries along with others, money etc but I have three great children, a loving husband, a great home and job and at present my health but I do not take that for granted. I am still trying to make life great for everyone else and make sure I do everything for everyone else; I am really going to have to start to be more selfish and think of me as No1 just for a short while. I still know that once I get started I will be OK and the weight will start to go down. It is this initial start that I just cannot get over.

I am not setting too big a goal but I am working for now between today and my holiday on 15th June. Once I get there I will set a new target and hopefully slowly I will get there. I am 50 in 2010 and I WILL NOT BE FAT AND 50!!! When I am 50 my youngest will be 5 and probably at his most active and aware of how I loo and feel and I owe it to him and my loyal wonderful husbad who has supported me always (BUT Jason - NO MORE CHOCOLATE please xxx).